"I'm going to die!!": How I Deal with the Fight, Flight or Freeze of Public Speaking
Excerpt from "How to Speak", a WIP book on LeanPub
"For it is not death or pain that is to be feared, but the fear of pain or death" - Epictetus
“I’m going to die!"
Let me start with an assurance, you're not going to die. Well, ok, you might, there's always a chance, but it won't be for the reasons that your ape-brain is trying to convince you to worry about.
Public speaking is scary, and that's normal. Let me say that again for the back of the room, it's normal! In fact, I think it's weirder where people aren't scared. While it is true that many experienced speakers don't feel nerves quite the same way as you will in your first forays onto the stage "killing ground", everyone feels some sort of nerves. It can even be a positive thing...
Ok, so what I've just said probably helped not one iota, right? You're still petrified of going onstage? Yep, I was too, until I met what can only be described as a Sage of the public speaking world. This wonderful speaker and person is Damian Conway.
I was fortunate enough to be introduced to Damian before I had even got a chance to marvel at just how darn good he is at public speaking. He's amazing, and as a student of the Crazy Craft (Public Speaking), you should take every and any opportunity to experience one of his talks. Just Do It.
What you'd never know from witnessing one of Damian's masterpieces is that he is also an introvert, like me. Public speaking is not a calm and natural activity for Damian, just as it isn't for anyone really, but he kindly explained I you feel the way I do about going on stage.
He helped me understand why my stomach turns to liquid, why I start sweating profusely, and finally why I feel the utter desire to run out the door and never, ever, make the mistake of volunteering to speak again is the first step to being able to handle it. It all starts with you being a (somewhat) evolved ape...
Messing with an Ape’s Mind
"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened." - Mark Twain
Current scientific evidence points out that our ancestor, way back in the family and literal trees, was a common ancestor of the chimpanzee. Chimps are genetically super-close to us humans and so it makes sense that in many ways our own social relationships are very similar to your regular chimp's village antics. It's just that we have developed a bit further, we have higher functions, more advanced communications, more complex verbal language patterns, and we had the Victorian age to convince us we are more rational than our longer-armed, "slightly" less hairy cousins.
All that cold, period drama logic though counts for nothing when you're about to go on stage. It doesn't matter how irrational your fear is, your mind is utterly unconvinced and you feel, basically, like you are going to die...
But wait a moment. That actually makes sense. Hear me out.
It's perfectly rational for you to be irrational about going on stage. The conditions of a public performance, particularly individual public performance like public speaking, are tailor-made to induce sudden existential dread in you, because if you want to mess with a chimp's mind then putting it onstage would be one of the best ways to do it. We’re in the same boat as our ape cousins, and here’s why...
You're separated from the group...
First you are separated from the group. It doesn't matter how you were separated, you just are and that is enough to get your stress levels up. You're alone and vulnerable, and then...
.. the group collectively turns to face you...
It was bad enough that you were alone, but then your worst nightmare begins to unfold. The group you were part of, where you felt anonymous and safe, are instructed to sit and turn towards you. All those eyes are staring, and you chimp brain feels the end is nearing, but maybe you'll be safe, until...
... finally they start smiling and clapping!
That's it, game over! Grinning, bearing their teeth, banging hands together... These are all signs that yes, your fears were right, the group has rejected you and is coming to finish you off. You go into fight, flight or freeze, which is where your bowels think it's a good time to enact a "forced exit" and you prepare for either imminent violence or the speediest of get-aways. Your heart is racing, sweat is pouring down your back, and you're shaking with every fibre of your being on high alert. You're going to die, this is it, aaaargh!!!! It’s all over…
Then you put on a smile and walk out on stage...
Dealing with your Inner Chimp
Unfortunately with all the good intentions, mediation and neuroplasticity in the world, you can't ever completely beat this deep-rooted fear. It's securely fixed in your wetware and it's actually there because it probably saved your great, great, great, great ad infinitum Grandmother's life. Fight, flight, or freeze were great back in the day.
Stress and anxiety are often not the biggest problem when you are actually in the middle of your talk. Performance has a way of focussing the mind; you don't get anywhere near as much time to worry and die a thousand deaths when you're in the middle of your flow than you do in the months, weeks, days, hours and minutes beforehand.
Fortunately there is one time-proven way to handle the natural stress before a talk, and that comes under one word. That word is "Preparation".
TL; DRs
It's understandable and common to find public speaking, or any other public knowledge sharing activity, utterly terrifying.
Preparation is key to being ready to write that blog article, or step out onto that stage.
(There are) No Dumb Questions
What if I'm not scared at the thought of going onstage?
It's not unheard of, and in some respects you should count yourself very lucky! For you the challenge will be different as you may find that you need to focus on making yourself a little more hyped up to go on stage and perform well. A little nerves is a good thing for honing the focus in a performance, and so for you there is still work to be done in rehearsal (coming up in the next part of the book) where you will be looking to make things as exciting as possible, rather than trying to overcome any fear.
What if I can't beat my chimp brain?
You can, and you will. Here's why: I am a seriously introverted person. The very first time I stepped onto a "stage" was at school and it felt like the longest, most awful 7 minutes of my life. Don't worry if the first time you have to publicly speak on a subject you feel that you suck, I did too! Preparation and following the tips in the next part of the book will help, but ultimately it is a craft that gets better with practice. The more you do it, the better you will become, as long as you stay healthy and learn to enjoy the process itself.
This was an excerpt from the Work in Progress book, “How to Speak: Tips for people who want to tell their story” by Russ Miles.